I have had a song on my mind and in my heart for two weeks, and it refuses to budge. It is with me morning, noon and night. I already mentioned that I’ve been listening to U2’s new CD, and Moment of Surrender has been haunting me. It is a haunting song, and it is also beautiful, sexy, sad and hopeful. At least it is all of those things to me.
I have been pissed off for six months. Literally. Six. Months. It is exhausting. That’s one of a couple of reasons I have barely blogged. I really did not want to share my venemous anger with the world wide web. My anger has been directed at people very close to me, but mostly at myself. I allowed certain things that led to a mess. I wasn’t strong enough in different situations. Things have sprialed for a while and I just decided that I had had enough. I stomped my feet, threw up my walls, and flipped off the world. (Internally – I did those things in my heart) Maybe if I had actually done those things, I would have gotten over everything much quicker. ;)
So here I am even more miserable than I was when I first got angry. It’s amazing what happens when we make one move toward self-preservation. It tends to set off a chain reaction, and before we know it, we are an island unto ourselves. At least that’s the way it often is with me. I am typically a very open person. I feel deeply and affectionately, and I am often reaching out to others. I have been a different person for six months. Numb, cold, aloof. It sucks.
I am in desperate need of a Moment of Surrender. My soul has lost its rhythm. I’m desperate to be free of the control I have allowed in my life. This song has been bringing me closer to that place.
There is very little on You Tube for this song, but at least listen to it. The words are below. As a disclaimer, the video is a series of photos of Bono and the band. There is one of him with a model and her back is completely bare. It was for the cover of a magazine years ago, but I just thought I’d warn everyone so as not to offend.
Moment Of Surrender lyrics
I tied myself with wire
To let the horses run free
Playing with the fire
Until the fire played with me
The stone was semi precious
We were barely conscious
Two souls too smart to be
In the realm of certainty
Even on our wedding day
We set ourselves on fire
A girl could not deny her
Its not if I believe in love
If love believes in me
Oh believe in me
At the moment of surrender
I’m falling to my knees
I did not notice the passers by
And they did not notice me
I’ve been in every black hole
At the alter of a Dark star
My body s now begging
Though it’s begging to get back
Begging to get back
To my heart
To the rhythm of my soul
To the rhythm of my consciousness
To the rhythm that yearns
To be released from control
I was punching in the numbers at the ATM machine
I could see in the reflection
A face staring back at me
At the moment of surrender
A vision of a visibility
I did notice the passers by
And they did not notice me
I was speeding off the subway
Through the stations of the cross
Every eye looking every other way
Counting down till the pain will stop
At the moment of surrender
A vision of a visibility
I did not notice the passers by
And they did not notice me
wow. i hadn’t heard the song … still need to get the album. Beautiful.
Thanks for sharing where you are. It is confirming. Though I wouldn’t wish these cycles of anger, grief, self preservation on anyone, it seems to be just part of our lives. acknowledgement is necessary to continue moving though. One more step.
the song itself,plus the sequel song “unknown caller”, is about a junkie on the verge of no return. he has a vision but denies it. in the second song, its early morning and he still wants to kill the pain completely, his phone being the connection to the evil he is inflicting on himself. but suddenly, God starts to text him on his cell showing him the way. this is a very deep cd that some fans and non fans alike might not get at first listen. I can’ stop playing it myself! I’ve loved them since seeing the Gloria” video 27 years ago.
Michael, thank you for the background information on this song. It is tougher to understand, but my heart was getting the message before my brain could. Though I’m not on drugs, it really resonates with me. We all have our ways of coping and numbing up, and they really don’t help things in the long run.
It’s cool that you’ve been a U2 fan for so long. I missed so many of their years. I was in conservative Christian circles that snubbed U2. It seems so ridiculous to me now.
Cyndi, you need to get the CD! Read the comment by Michael posted below yours. It explains the background of the song.
“Though I’m not on drugs, it really resonates with me. We all have our ways of coping and numbing up, and they really don’t help things in the long run”
Yeah, I get that. What a terror filled stark room that is to stand in. Where do you go from that knowledge?
And yet, we still stand. He must hold us up in our numb places, where we can’t feel him
Tina, I love that photo of Bono and Christy Turlington
been praying for ya when I think about ya.
Kent,
I love that photo as well. It’s gorgeous.
Thanks for the prayers. I treasure them.