Moment of Surrender March 21, 2009

I have had a song on my mind and in my heart for two weeks, and it refuses to budge.  It is with me morning, noon and night.  I already mentioned that I’ve been listening to U2’s new CD, and Moment of Surrender has been haunting me.  It is a haunting song, and it is also beautiful, sexy, sad and hopeful.  At least it is all of those things to me.  

I have been pissed off for six months.  Literally. Six. Months.  It is exhausting.  That’s one of a couple of reasons I have barely blogged.  I really did not want to share my venemous anger with the world wide web.  My anger has been directed at people very close to me, but mostly at myself.  I allowed certain things that led to a mess.  I wasn’t strong enough in different situations.  Things have sprialed for a while and I just decided that I had had enough.  I stomped my feet, threw up my walls, and flipped off the world. (Internally – I did those things in my heart)  Maybe if I had actually done those things, I would have gotten over everything much quicker.  ;)

So here I am even more miserable than I was when I first got angry.  It’s amazing what happens when we make one move toward self-preservation.  It tends to set off a chain reaction, and before we know it, we are an island unto ourselves.  At least that’s the way it often is with me.  I am typically a very open person.  I feel deeply and affectionately, and I am often reaching out to others.  I have been a different person for six months.  Numb, cold, aloof.  It sucks. 

I am in desperate need of a Moment of Surrender.  My soul has lost its rhythm.  I’m desperate to be free of the control I have allowed in my life.  This song has been bringing me closer to that place.

There is very little on You Tube for this song, but at least listen to it.  The words are below.  As a disclaimer, the video is a series of photos of Bono and the band.  There is one of him with a model and her back is completely bare.  It was for the cover of a magazine years ago, but I just thought I’d warn everyone so as not to offend.

Moment Of Surrender lyrics

I tied myself with wire
To let the horses run free
Playing with the fire
Until the fire played with me

The stone was semi precious
We were barely conscious
Two souls too smart to be
In the realm of certainty
Even on our wedding day

We set ourselves on fire
A girl could not deny her
Its not if I believe in love
If love believes in me
Oh believe in me

At the moment of surrender
I’m falling to my knees
I did not notice the passers by
And they did not notice me

I’ve been in every black hole
At the alter of a Dark star
My body s now begging
Though it’s begging to get back
Begging to get back
To my heart
To the rhythm of my soul
To the rhythm of my consciousness
To the rhythm that yearns
To be released from control

I was punching in the numbers at the ATM machine
I could see in the reflection
A face staring back at me
At the moment of surrender
A vision of a visibility
I did notice the passers by
And they did not notice me

I was speeding off the subway
Through the stations of the cross
Every eye looking every other way
Counting down till the pain will stop

At the moment of surrender

A vision of a visibility

I did not notice the passers by

And they did not notice me 

White As Snow March 6, 2009

I was listening to the new U2 CD this evening and catching up on the blogs on my blogroll (well, at least starting with March’s posts since I’m eons behind!).  I love listening to new music, especially when it is good!  And I must say that I am already hooked on No Line On the Horizon.

I was listening this evening to a song on the album titled White As Snow while doing some reading over at Faithfully Dangerous.  As the song was playing in my ear buds, I happened upon a post from Kent about the very same song.  It is here and it would help to read it before reading the rest of this.  

We have been homeschooling this past school year and decided to join a co-op.  It has mostly been a very positive experience, though I began the school year with a dose of trepidation.  Coming out of the ranks of evangelical Christianity, I was slightly afraid of this group of homeschooling Christians.  Thankfully, I have found normalcy and some new friends.  

One of the most perturbing things about co-op this year has been the handling of the election last November.  I can’t help but believe that the yearbook theme was a knee-jerk reaction to the loss of the evangelical favorite.  We were to turn in family pages for co-op that relect the theme “God and Country.”  Here we go again.  These boundaries that separate us, that cause us to esteem ourselves, that have wrought bloodshed since the beginning of time…  why do we continue to drag the name of God through our dirty politics?  

May we learn the cleansing power of the One who is white as snow.  The One who never judges us based on nationality, religion, race or  education level.  The One who simply loves us.

Finally… March 4, 2009

 

Night Time Sledding

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We were certain that our hopes for even just one snow this year weren’t happening.  Sunday evening changed all of that!  Nathan and Brianna were thrilled. Sunday night was the best time for play, as everything was too  frozen and packed the next morning.  Unfortunately, the neighborhood Bradford Pear trees were met with a great deal of destruction.  We had three days of rain prior to the snow, and they just couldn’t handle it.  Neither could the canopy over our deck.  :(  The metal poles even bent over from the weight of the fabric.  

We had things beginning to bloom, so they will hopefully recover.  But this snowfall was a wonderful and unexpected treat here in SC.