What Really Matters December 23, 2008

In about 15 minutes, I’ll be headed down the highway for our 700 mile trek to northern New Jersey to spend Christmas with my husband’s family.  The drive is not something I ever look forward to, but we are splitting the drive and meeting up with Marti and her family this evening.  (She’s on my blogroll, but I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with the changes wordpress made, so I’m not sure how to link to her here).  

The sour mood I have allowed myself recently is lifting.  Really, the improved mood is not about Christmas.  This year I’ve mostly been disgusted with commercialism and how to break the vicious cycle, but that’s another post!  I have been realizing that I’m missing out on so much by being such a grouch.  I have a wonderful family, a roof over my head, and some great friends.  I have a Father who loves me with an undying love.  As we gather with family that we rarely see and undulge in food and gifts, it’s what money can’t buy that I want to hold on to.

May each of you have a wonderful Christmas.  May it be spent with those you love, and may you truly rest in the Prince of Peace.

Truth and Honesty December 11, 2008

Honesty is a strange thing.  I’ve always thought that being honest was telling the truth, but I don’t know that honesty and truth are really interchangable.  One can give their honest opinion about something, but the truth may be entirely different.

This is why I pulled into my shell a few months back.  I began to see that the truth about my life over the last ten years or so was very different from what I thought it was.  It doesn’t help that I am very skilled at being dishonest with myself.  I went into overload and it was painful.

The bottom line is that I forgot the Truth.  The Truth that entered this world physically in the form of a man two millenia ago.  The Truth that is greater than whatever painful discoveries, whatever poor choices, whatever moments of dishonesty I have indulged in.  The Truth that came to carry us back to our Father’s arms.  In this moment, that is where I choose to rest.

Stepping Out of My Shell December 7, 2008

September 22nd.  That was the last time I posted anything here.  It was also the last time that I visited anyone else’s blog.   An invisible line was crossed for me around that date, and I had had enough.  So I went into the strongest bout of hiding that I’ve undertaken in a while. 

I’m back to that place of pondering self preservation.  I pulled into my shell for that very reason.  I was somehow duped into believing that constructing thick walls would save me from pain.  This flawed way of thinking has only added to my pain.  I have barely called my few close friends, and I have not been in touch with my internet friends either.  I have even withdrawn some from my children.  That alone woke me up somewhat.  However, the most startling realization is that I no longer hear my Father’s voice.  I know He is there – He promised He would be.  I just stopped listening. 

So here I am.  I am a woman drowing and I’ve finally decided to come up for air.  I’ll be around again.