Our Birthday Girl April 29, 2008

Unbelievably, my sweet girl is three today. 

In September 2004, we were sitting in a doctor’s office listening to him tell us that in order to have another child we would have to undergo in vitro fertilization.  It was very upsetting – I was devestated.  We had decided before any testing that in vitro was beyond what we were willing to do.  We already had a son who was four at the time.

I remember crying for three days after that.  We received the news on a Thursday, and I woke up still crying on Sunday morning.  We went to church, which is what we did in those days.  When we got home, there was a message on our answering machine.  My dear friend called to tell me that she had been praying for us and felt that Father was telling her to share Psalm 30:5 with us.  I was reading at the time from The New Living Translation and it says: Weeping may go on all night, but JOY comes with the morning.

 There were several things I could apply that verse to at that time, especially our fertility issue.  We had suffered two miscarriages over two years and my heart was hurting deeply.  I wanted to conceive again but was terrified to do so.  Rather than take that verse and apply it where I wished, I exercised some restraint for once and tucked it away.  Three days later, I had my answer in the form of a pregnancy test.  I was already pregnant when the doctor told us we could not have another child without medical intervention.

I knew from the start that we would not lose this baby.  I also felt strongly that she was a girl, and that her middle name would be Joy in honor of the verse that Father gave us through our friend.  It would be a constant reminder of His incredible-ness!

When I was about 12 weeks along, well before our ultrasound, our son announced that he was having a sister named Brianna.  Well, that name wasn’t on our list.  He was adamant, though.  One night as I was falling asleep I was having a talk with Father about it.  I remember asking, Lord is that really the baby’s name?   His answer came in the next heartbeat, The joy of the Lord will be her strength.  I looked up the name Brianna the next morning discovered that it means strength.

She arrived two weeks early by c-section because my blood pressure had shot up.  I waited two agonizing hours to hold her and will never forget how absolutely alert and beautiful she was.  She has been a real joy from the beginning and is such a mix of princess and tomboy.  I am grateful beyond words to have the opportunity to be her mother.

Happy Birthday, Brianna Joy!

 

 

 

 

 

An Exercise In Thankfulness April 28, 2008

Okay, I think I’m going to settle on this look for a while…..  maybe

I was thinking about gasoline costs today and how I probably won’t be traveling nearly as much this summer as I had hoped.  I felt rather sorry for myself for a moment, but then I was over at Cynthia’s site and saw her list of places she has traveled.  I got to thinking of all of the wonderful places that I have had the opportunity to travel to.

• I grew up near Washington, PA which is just south of Pittsburgh. I was raised on a dairy farm and the countryside was stunning.
• As a kid, my parents took us along Skyline Drive in Shenandoah National Park.  Talk about beautiful! We also visited Luray Caverns which was breathtaking and totally creepy at the same time.
• I have been to Washington, D.C. a couple of times.  My second visit was for a high school leadership conference. There were hundreds of us from all over the country, and they drew numbers to see which group would get to hear a talk by Sandra Day O’Connor since she would only speak to a small group of us. Our group was picked. I remember nothing about her talk except that she seemed very grandmotherly.
• My family drove to San Antonio for Christmas one year. We ended up hitting heavy ice in Kentucky and kept going. Fifty miles outside of Little Rock, AR the highways shut down. We spent the night on a church floor because there was “no room at the inn.”
• I’ve been to Mexico City twice. The first trip was in high school and my eyes were opened up to what poverty truly is. I thought I was poor growing up – I was clueless.  My second trip there I spent a month with a family taking an intensive language study. Yes, I was once nearly fluent. The family I stayed with spoke no English.
• When I was 15 I went to Disney World with my friend and her family. I’d love to get back there someday.
• In college I went to Lake Michigan for a leadership camp. It was August and chilly! It was beautiful, though.
• Growing up in the Pittsburgh area meant a lot of trips into the city, which has much to offer. It also meant a trip to Frank Lloyd Wright’s Fallingwater.
• As a child I was able to visit Meadowcroft Village as part of a school trip twice. We dressed in 19th century clothing and had school in a one-room schoolhouse using inkwells and old readers. We also visited the village with the blacksmith, candlemaker, soapmaker, and other things that I can’t remember. They also made us do chores – the nerve!  The Meadowcroft Rockshelter is right there and boasts the earliest evidence of people in North America.
• I have visited New York City – much too big and noisy for me but neat for a visit.  My husband grew up 45 minutes from the city in Northern NJ.
• My parents took us to see Amish country in Ohio when I was a kid. I’m not one for their control and manipulation of their members, but the countryside is beautiful.
• As part of my high school Mexico trip I visited Cancun. This farm girl from PA did not understand how to properly use sun screen, or how damaging the Caribbean sun is even in March. I had my first true sunburn, and it was hell!
• In 2001 I went on a medical missions trip to El Salvador. Our flight landed in Guatemala and we went by bus to El Salvador. Such a juxtaposition of beauty and stark poverty. We had some scary moments, but the people of Central America are so dear. They have some of the most beautiful children I have ever seen.
• Now that I live in South Carolina, I’ve visited Myrtle beach and Charleston.  I love Charleston.

Well, this little exercise has been very good for me.  You may be snoozing at this point, but it has reminded me of the many opportunities I have had.  I really am grateful.  But it won’t keep me from dreaming about someday visiting Australia!

 

 

Still Seeking Formulas April 27, 2008

To anyone reading this – sorry about the ugly template.  I’m struggling to find something right now that I’m connecting with.  The one I had up the other day briefly was too difficult to read.  The darkness reflects my recent brooding, but I’m not normally the dark and brooding type. 

In light of my last post, I am trying to make some decisions right now that are very difficult.  Kent reminded me that there are no formulas, though I keep slipping back into the formula-seeking mode.  Each time I do that my desperate need for more of Father is revealed.   Show me the line in the sand, give me the rules, point out which hoops to jump through - anything but a relationship.  Relationships are work, and I can be lazy at times. 

What I love about God is that He doesn’t reveal all of our ugliness to us at once.  This really is a process.  He is so kind, because I’m sure I would crawl under a rock for the rest of my life if He suddenly revealed to me all of the me that is still in me.  Oh, let Him increase!

More Questions Than Answers April 24, 2008

I’m back……..

That was a longer break than I intended to take.  I was hoping to stop feeling exhausted, but that hasn’t happened.  I do have a plan in place to change my diet and I’ve been getting out with the kids more.  I’m taking steps.

I would love to know from any sage-like people out there how you can tell if you are standing up for your rights out of a sense of self-preservation or living with healthy boundaries in which you refuse to be a doormat.  You see, I can’t really tell the difference because I am an avoider by nature and have lived as a doormat a good portion of my life.  I believe that it is a dynamic that must change, but I am having great difficulty with this.

I have been re-reading The Shack recently.  Some lines that have really stood out for me are:

Rights are where survivors go, so that they won’t have to work out relationships. 

Jesus didn’t hold on to any rights; he willingly became a servant and lives out of his relationship to Papa. He gave up everything, so that by his dependent life he opened a door that would allow you to live free enought to give up your rights.

Genuine relationships are marked by submission even when your choices are not helpful or healthy.

I sense that there is much for me to unpack in these three quotes.  Is it prudent to live this out in a relationship that is not currently healthy?  How do you keep your boundaries and give up your rights?  Is this even possible in a relationship with another human, or is it only possible with God?

Does anyone have this stuff figured out?

BTW, Brianna had an ultrasound last week and receieved a clean bill of health!!