Perfectionism. It’s an expensive mask to wear. So demanding and cruel. The toll can be devastating.
I am not a perfect mom, or a perfect wife. I am not a perfect follower of Jesus. Is that okay? Do you have a problem with that? Tough! My kids’ rooms are messy, the dog needs a bath, and I really need to mop! Oh, and my daughter is 2 years and 4 months and is still in diapers. She has not even tinkled on the potty yet. Not once and not very interested!
There. I feel better.
The greater issue here is that I believe with 99% certainty that our precious son has some form of what the world calls ADHD. I have been living like an ostrich for at least two years regarding this issue. He can’t have that! Not our child! We are good Christians! We prayed over him before he was even conceived! He’s just intelligent, highly creative, and busy! Oh, he’s not paying attention in class? He’s acting out impulsively? He is distracted by the must inane things? Well, your class must be boring!
God, help! I’m scared that “they” will want to medicate him until what makes him beautiful and unique is conformed to the image of this world. This going below the surface stuff really stinks already. My Perfect Mom With Perfect Kids mask felt very safe. It was the teacher’s fault. She didn’t understand him. But then, why doesn’t he pay attention to anyone…?
The sad thing is that some of the former pastors in our lives were very against our son being evaluated for ADHD. Those people had great influence in our lives. We just needed to pray harder, to be more diligent, to let him be a boy. Well, I’m tired and we’re all miserable.
Father, thank you that You have not placed this perfectionistic demand on me. I choose at this moment to rest in Your perfect love which casts out fear. The fear that I have hidden behind my perfect mask. Father, You made our little boy. Please show us how to help him. Help me get the sand out of my eyes and ears from living like an ostrich. Restore the time that we’ve wasted pretending.
